Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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