I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
