Ambien. No doubt about it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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