guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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