If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
