exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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