I wish my penis had an off switch
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
