i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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