I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
