what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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