I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
