Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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