yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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