Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
