Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
