...so i touched it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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