I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
