My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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