I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
