addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
