Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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