Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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