i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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