hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
