We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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