Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
