What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This is classic penis vs brain.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
