So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
