whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
