awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
