he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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