How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My liver just broke up with me...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
