yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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