I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
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Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
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you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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