so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
