I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
