I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
