HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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