So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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