dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
