Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
