It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
