I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
