Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
