positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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