Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
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This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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