just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
