I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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