some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize