haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
