I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
