Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
