A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
