Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
