The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
