Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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