Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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