When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
