What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
