you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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