I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
