Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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