Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
