Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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