Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
