Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
