I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
