So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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