I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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