You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
