i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I pour the whiskey from now on
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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