You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
