I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
