I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
