Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
