xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
