I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
