ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
that is very illegal...i love you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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