I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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