I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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