I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
